I absolutely love my job as a therapist, a sex therapist to be exact. People often ask me what is sex therapy? Why would I need sex therapy? and I often get asked “Do you have sex with people? or Do you watch people have sex?” Today I would like to clear up some of those questions.
Sex therapy is a specialized type of psychotherapy addressing one’s (or a couple’s) sexual issues or functioning. I am highly specialized in sexology and any therapist should be as well. I have years of experience and Ph.D. courses, I also engage in 2-3 hours per week of supervision/consultation from leading experts. Some years I can spend as much as $20,000 on continuing education and additional consultation. Y’all should also see my home library as it’s filled with books about sex and therapy. The reason that I invest so heavily in my profession is that I want to be as skilled as possible to help each and every person that I work with. Of course, I may sometime refer someone out, but some people do not have access to a highly specialized therapist. Enough about me, let’s talk about you.
You do not need to have issues in order to benefit from sex therapy, many of my clients appreciate having a safe space to talk about sexual function, pleasure, and the list goes on. “Is this normal…….?” This is one of the most common questions asked in my office. Sex education in the United States has been to teach about anatomy, how to prevent pregnancy and STI’s, which leaves people having to learn everything else about sex on their own. And in my house, we did not chat about sex, so it’s no surprise that it’s a hard topic to bring up. Sex therapy is a great place to talk about sex and what sexuality means to you.
Yes, I do see people with sexual challenges. You may be wondering what types of conditions I might see someone for:
- Sex addiction or compulsion.
- Porn addiction or compulsion.
- Figure out how much sex feels healthy for your relationship.
- Experience more pleasure during sex.
- Have your first orgasm by yourself or with a partner.
- Learn how to communicate about sex effectively, so you can stop having pointless, frustrating fights.
- Come up with accessible ways to bring the spark back into your relationship and spice things up in the bedroom.
- Learn to prioritize intimacy & connection, even when life feels overwhelmingly busy.
- Eliminate performance anxiety and erectile dysfunction
- Figure out if you and your partner are truly compatible sexually and emotionally
- Discover what works and what doesn’t work for you, and empower you to ask for what you want.
- Feel more confident in your own body and it’s sensations, so you can feel present and alive during sex and connect to your desires.
- Have more fun with your sex life!
I will be honest that one of the most common issues I see in my office is erectile challenges. Here’s what I have to say to that…..men if you are having a hard time getting an erection and/or mainting an erection (medical reason ruled out) please get into see a sex therapist about that. There is nothing to be ashamed of, it happens to so many men and most men can work through the psychological issues that are preventing your body from responding, and y’all deserve to have a satisfying sex life.
I do not have sex with anyone. Historically I think some sex workers called themselves sex therapists which started the thought that we have sex with our clients and please be careful out there as some “coaches” engage in that.
I also do not watch anyone have sex and give performance feedback, whew that could give someone a lot of performance anxiety if I actually did that or that idea might be very stimulating to some.